So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
