did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
