you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
