I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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