We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My penis needs a shock collar
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
