you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
P.S. I can't hear my feet
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
