I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
