i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
