i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
