For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
