I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
