i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
