dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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