Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
