they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize