it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize