I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
