Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
