so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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