ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
