I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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