kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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