my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
