he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
