Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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