You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
