sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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