As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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