I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
