eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
