I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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