My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
