My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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