I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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