mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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