I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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