i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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