Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
