i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
