Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
