how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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