yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have fence marks all over my body
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
