What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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