I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
