Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
