This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
