I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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