I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
