Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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