my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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