She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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