Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
