in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
