Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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