wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
