? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
