ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
