ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
