we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Randomize
