Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
