In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
