this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
