oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
