Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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