last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My cat gives me a boner
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She's the barista slut.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
