Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
